The Never Sent Letter

Dear Mister,

It has been four years since I last saw your face. There was no reason for you to leave or push me away. There was no reason for breaking me into pieces.

The most beautiful moments of my life? …I lived them by your side. The saddest four years of my life?……They have been since you were gone….

Those wounds have been covered and endured with tequila, salt and lime… But just for the meantime… I want you to know that today you stumbled upon my mind and uncovered all the wounds I could have known.

The memories of the most beautiful fairytale that I once lived next to you are now terrorizing me at night. I am under a complete crying spell. The warrior princess that you once met is long gone down the drain. For I fell for the prince who swept me off my feet and took me to a castle far away on a hidden hill inside the forest, and now I lay a prisoner in the sewers of my broken heart while you lay a prisoner of the law.

How could you have been so sweet, full of manners and etiquette yet a demon deep inside to break my innocent heart?

I wish you knew how much love I had for you and how many sleepless nights I had writing you a cheerful letter about my routines everyday while going to school and fighting all the pain you left me with. You never appreciated those little details no matter how small they were. I just know that I tried my best.

Ever since you were taken far away from me, my life hasn’t been anything but a roller coaster of emotions. I wish that you could know how much pain this bears upon my soul. Oh, If you only knew how I have managed to endure every night without losing myself over the memories of us that I keep in my heart….
I walk upon this earth without a soul just trying to find myself again. I see you and I hear you among every sweet thing that comes upon my path. Your silloutte lingers in my bedroom when I try to fall asleep.

I want you to know that I now understand why you called me that night on collect call to tell me that I was really not the love of your life and that instead it was someone else. It never made sense to me as to why she would be your true love, but now I understand why. Maybe you were just trying to keep me away from all the pain that you had brought upon my life the day that you where taken away. Maybe you did not want me to suffer 20 more years of my life.

I hated you for so many years for doing that to me. I blocked you from all that I could think off. I moved to a new place, changed my numbers and even my name so that you could never find me.

I heard that you have tried to talk to me lately and I am now the one that hesitates and stays away. I do not want to fall once more for you. You should know that after you where gone, I met a lover, we fell in love for a while and then we went our separate ways, but still, I love him deep down inside. He never hurt me like you did, and showed me what true love really meant. After him, I almost got married to a big dumbass but you know that I do not tolerate idiots and therefore I broke our engagement.

Today, your memories are all thats left inside my heart and I look back to see that the void you left in my soul has never been filled. And it will never be filled once more! You have 16 years left and we’ll be old and gray. I will possibly never love once again the way I loved you once upon a time.

I ponder, toss and turn upon my bed….just to say “Goodnight”.