As I sit here alone….

As I sit here, I reminisce about life

I count my seconds

I gasp for another breath

I clench my fists

I look out the window and see the cars speed by

I wonder how long that couple next to me will last

I am running out of breath 

I count to ten

I try to smile

I try to joke to myself, but who am I kidding, I really feel alone

I want everyone to go

I just want to be alone….

I fantasize of being a bird, any bird is fine

I wish my mind did not have racing thoughts

I wish I could not remember the pain

I tell you, I cannot outrun my head

I try to bring my ego back

I, I, I…I always try….

I know that at the end, it is all about letting it go

I am not crazy, you see, I am on the other side of the mirror

I really cannot stand being myself at times, but at the end, I am all I have

I know I should not be selfish, but a wise ol’ folk told me to say NO a bit more

I know it has also been a while and that is okay, I am still here and I am still alive

I know that I am going to be okay, I have grown so much these past few months

I have something heavy all over me that I cannot see

I get on my knees to pray sometimes, but my biggest wish won’t come true

I cannot focus at all, oh how I wish this didn’t hurt

I wish I could run to somebody’s arms, but I don’t know if I am loved at all

I am very blue lately, and it is not turning bright any soon

I have not seen the stars in a long time because my skies do not shine anymore

I know you may think that I am lost but I know where I stand..the hard part is outrunning my faith

I know that no pill will do me a miracle

I only want to love myself but my heart is somewhere else

I worry so much, maybe because I am afraid

I feel like a child…maybe spoiled…maybe soiled

I don’t want your pitty, I just feel so shitty

I sit in the present yet I linger into the future 

I am tired of everything

I just want to say what is in my mind

I don’t dislike anyone but myself at times

I wish my life could have been what I adviced myself to do

I will turn it around and get a brand new start

I will prove that I can rule the world

I will no longer have pitty for myself

I will encourage myself to not drown in this sea

I will rise from my ashes

I will go as high as I can and go to heights I’ve never seen

I will not let anyone stomp over me

I will defend myself and stop blaming myself for others deeds

I will make sure they know of this poor soul who was left to die

I will use my anger and courage to tear through any barries that get in my way

I will teach those demons who is back to slay them back to my control

I will cut any obstacles with the sword of justice

I will show them a piece of my true nature

I will have the last laugh

Goodbye Sadness! 

                                Never yours,

                                  Viva Z. ?